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Ceremonies
Commitment Ceremonies
The Marriage Act 1961 refers
to marriage as "...the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion
of all others, voluntarily entered into for life." Accordingly, it is
not possible for same sex couples to marry under existing Australian
law. But that is not a reason to forgo a public ceremony that is an act
of love.
While a
commitment ceremony has no legal standing, it is a ceremony that makes
public love your love for each other and your commitment to your
relationship. It is therefore an important
and moral act that will reaffirm your commitment and love and therefore
provide a sense of stability and permanence. Importantly, because you
are acknowledging the uniqueness and commitment of your relationship
and sharing your joy in it with those close to you, a commitment
ceremony will remind everyone present that love is not the sole
preserve of the straight, that lovers committing themselves to each
other is positive and speaks of hope to us all, that private love has
public consequences in that it raises up communities as well as
individuals.
It is reality
that many lesbians and gay men do not have the acceptance and support
of their families because those families find it hard to accept their
sexual orientation. Where a same sex couple have decided to commit to
each other for life, a commitment ceremony can be a healing as well as
a joyous occasion because a public acknowledgement of your desire to
live together in a committed monogamous relationship may help family
and friends move closer to acceptance.
The format of a
same sex commitment ceremony is very like that of a wedding
because the couple's commitments, hopes, aspirations and ideals
tend to be very similar. However, there is absolutely no
reason that it should be virtually indistinguishable from a straight
ceremony except for some minor changes in terminology, as my sample ceremony demonstrates. My
commitment ceremonies are a celebration of your relationship, not a
standard marriage ceremony with the 'legal bits' omitted.
A commitment
ceremony allows you, as a couple, to make yourself heard, to tell your
truth and your intentions, it allows you to celebrate something that is
really important to you, your wonderful, challenging, loving and
fulfilling relationship, and it gathers your community together, giving
them an opportunity to reflect on your words in a formal setting
and to support your relationship.
The planning of
your ceremony, in particular the vows you make to each other, is an
integral part of your relationship, so it is important that your
ceremony reflects who you are. using an intensive information gathering
process, I will create a unique ceremony for you, ensuring that
the words,
readings and symbols capture your desire to proclaim and formalise
your connection in a way that reflects what you and
your partner most value. I do so with the following commitment to
couples who love each other, and just happen to be of the same
sex. I will not only perform
a commitment ceremony for you, I will be honoured and happy to do so,
and I will spare no effort to ensure that your ceremony contributes a
great deal to a day that is rich with happiness and warm with special
moments to remember.
See my article
about how to negotiate
the gendered nature of traditional ceremonies
I offer three
levels of service for your commitment ceremony:
Full-Service Couture Commitment
Ceremony $500
a custom-written ceremony; no limitations on size
of ceremony party or number of attendees; no limitations on complexity
of
ceremony; inclusion of readings and your choice of more than 20
different
rituals; top-of-the-line PA system with microphone for readers and
couple;
rehearsal at venue or your home or other venue; travel up to 100 km
return from
my office in Kenmore
Small Couture Commitment
Ceremony $400
a custom-written ceremony limited to 40 guests and 2 attendants only;
one reading; limited choice of simpler rituals; small PA system if
conditions require one; travel up to 100 km
return from
my office in Kenmore
No-fuss
Intimate Commitment
Ceremony $350
a custom-created ceremony limited to 15
attendees;no readings; limited choice of the simpler
rituals, no attendants; no processional; no rehearsal; travel up to 100
km return from my office in
Kenmore. My No Fuss Intimate Ceremonies
focus on the promises you make to
each other - I work with you to create those promises and set them
within a ceremony that acknowledges your guests and
witnesses individually and celebrates your commitment to each
other. The ceremony is purpose-written for you, not pre-scripted.
Enchanting Elopement
(fee by negotiation)
The ceremony is shorter, thus involves less
preparation time and there is no rehearsal. The ceremony will be
simple,
custom-written, and focussed on
your promises to each other. Limited to the couple and two witnesses
only.
Parking fees (where required due to the
nature/location of the venue)
at cost.
Payment accepted by
Cash, Cheque, Direct Deposit, and Money Order.
No hidden costs, add-ons, or extra 'surprise' charges.
Please contact me for more information,
to arrange an obligation-free 30 minute consultation, or to book a
ceremony.
Coming out ceremonies
Coming out is
both a one-time event and a life-time process. A coming
out ceremony is a rite of passage which celebrates courage,
honesty, integrity, a new life and self-knowledge.
Reaffirmation
ceremonies
If it is some
years since your commitment ceremony, a reaffirmation
ceremony is meaningful, touching and revivifying, not only for you as a
couple, but also for you and your family. It provides a formal and
romantic opportunity for you to reflect on your commitment to each and
your future. It is also a wonderful example to members of younger
generations.
If you've recently been through
a particularly difficult time a reaffirmation ceremony can be an act of
hope and renewal, a means by which formally to leave regrets and
mistakes behind.
Your ceremony
can be
as traditional or as
creative as you wish. You can replicate your original commitment
ceremony as
closely as possible, or you can do something
different, have the ceremony you would have liked to have had the first
time round, but for various reasons, did not.
You
might like to include a symbolic ritual that emphasises the strength of
your relationship and your ongoing commitment. In preparing for your
reaffirmation ceremony I will
spend time getting to know you to ensure I create a ceremony
which perfectly reflects your needs, your beliefs, your values and the
specialness that is your marriage. As with all my ceremonies, I will
ensure that the ceremony is inclusive and participatory, and that the
ceremony includes all significant family members and friends.
You will be provided with a beautifully presented souvenir copy of the
ceremony, and
an attractive reaffirmation of vows certificate.
Baby naming ceremonies
A naming or
namegiving
ceremony celebrates the birth or adoption of a child. It is a joyous
expression of welcome, both to the family and to the wider community.
It is also a reminder of the great responsibility involved in raising a
child, and a formal mechanism to recognise and appoint the
godparents
and other significant adults, such as grandparents, who will have
important roles in the nurturing the child and support the child's
development. Because I write all ceremonies individually, and do
not use preprinted certificates, there is no awkwardness in either the
ceremony or the certificates. Your child's family,
whether a single parent family, two mummies or two daddies,
with or without contact with a birth-father or birth-mother, is
acknowledged and celebrated in the ceremony.
More .....
Adult namegiving ceremonies
There are a number of
reasons why an adult might like a namegiving ceremony, including having
missed out in childhood, or perhaps, a gender-reassignment. An adult
namegiving ceremony is similar in format to that for a child, and just
as significant and joyous an occasion.
House warming/dedication
ceremonies
The
custom of
conducting a ceremony when you move into a new home is an
ancient one, deriving from times when it was thought necessary to drive
out any 'evil spirits' and to protect people living in or visiting the
house.
Including
a ceremony
in your
house warming party is a fun way of conveying to your family and
friends your wishes for all who visit the house and your commitment to
making them feel welcome and at home. However, you can have a house
dedication ceremony at any time, for example, if you have your
commitment
ceremony in your own home, a house dedication ceremony can also be
included.
Various
symbols are
used in a
house warming/dedication ceremony, including:
- Bread, that
there may never be hunger
- A broom, to
sweep out back luck and sweep
in good luck
- A candle, to
signify light and learning
- Something
sweet to represent the
sweetness of life
- Salt, so that
life will always have
flavour
- Wine,
so that joy and prosperity will
reign forever.
End of relationship ceremonies*
The
end of a commited same sex relationship is just as painful and
difficult as a divorce. To move on one needs
to find the path that can lead to a new and better life.
An End of
Relationship Ceremony recognises that the end of a relationship,
regardless of who made the choice. It is an opportunity for personal
growth.
The ceremony is
specifically designed to intentionally
transform the experience into a stepping stone. It assists in
disidentification as a partner, declares your intention to
reweave your life into something new and spotlights your personal
path forward by means of a formal ceremony in which you close the door
on the
old, and, with support of family and friends, acknowledge and
celebrate your new status. It is therefore as much a ceremony of
release as it is an
acknowledgement of separation. It helps cleanse past negativity,
declares your independence, and promotes acceptance. It does so by
marking a significant change: release from deep commitment to the
former partner.
It can
be a
ceremony for one party
only, or, where the
couple is able to honour each other, even in the midst of crisis, the
formal ceremony can be a ceremony which acknowledges the positive
aspects of the relationship as well as paving the way for moving
forward.
Single-partner
ceremonies can be healing, and these constitute over half of the end of
relationship ceremonies held. However, the ideal ceremony is one where
both parties are present. Not only is there great potential for
positive closure in this latter form, it can also be extremely helpful
in calming fears and assuaging guilt of the children of the
relationship as it can help them understand that while their parents
have agreed not to live together, they are not being abandoned, that
they are loved by both parents and that the breakdown of the
relationship is not their fault.
* As featured in:
Happily Ever Parted: Surviving Separation
and Divorce by Bronwyn Marquandt. Sydney: New Holland, 2006
"Jennifer Cram is a highly sought
after Brisbane-based celebrant who conducts touching
end-of-relationship ceremonies. She says properly performed ceremonies
have a deep, spiritual content, which steer the emotions away from
self-recrimination to a celebration of growth and learning....(pp
162-164)
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